Must Do All the Things

I have, unfortunately, one very dominant personality flaw.

Since I can remember, I have possessed what I have always referred to as an “all or nothing” personality. I want to do it all, from the time that I say, 100% perfectly, at my very best, with no slip ups or backpedaling. Since this is often virtually impossible, when it fails, not only am I disappointed, but I end up distraught. Sometimes, I wind up battling a phase of depression. I often feel overwhelmed on a daily basis.

This inherent personality quirk can sometimes be a good thing. Once in a while, it helps me to accomplish an arduous task. But, at the end of the day, it’s a passion and a fault I would like to learn to control, and even to lessen a bit.

It’s no secret that I want to make changes in my life. I want to live a more sustainable life. I want to do more things from scratch, learn to spend less, learn to make do more often. I want to focus more on developing and honing skills than I focus on “things.” I want to be more patient with my children, and to teach them that it is okay to pursue whatever they want to try and that they are fine the way they are.

Here’s how my warped mind translates this:

I want to live a more sustainable life. I must not waste anything. I must do each and every thing from scratch. Why do I not have chickens? Why can I not make homemade bread as well as everyone else? 

We are struggling financially. I must never, ever buy anything frivolous. But, I want to buy something for myself, and I shouldn’t want to do so. I need to stop spending money for anything but necessities.

I want to be able to do ALL THE THINGS. I want to be able to master EVERY skill. Why can’t I master every skill? Why can’t I do everything?

I just yelled at my children. What kind of a mother yells at her children? Why must I always lose my patience?

Rather than making goals I cannot accomplish, and resolving to do ALLTHETHINGS, I’m writing this post to ask you, dear readers, to hold me accountable, to start from this moment forward to allow myself to stumble, to do the best I can, to work on improving myself (and the goals I have ARE worthy ones), but to merely work on doing better than I did yesterday, instead of trying for an impossible idea of perfection.

Focus on sustainability, financial independence, striving to become a better mother, learning to hone skills and gain new ones, all with the understanding that nothing will ever be 100% or all or nothing because that’s just not the way life works.

Anyone else struggle with this sometimes?

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